But if I Die..

When the breeze flows through the autumn branches I'll be brought back to this moment
The infinite promise of the gentle touch of nature mixing the natural cool and warm colors in a fugue of color
The calm beating heart paces a steady breath as I fall helplessly
Coursing through, the searing sensation of the slow burning venom is a welcome end
With seconds to live, a faint whisper sneaks beyond lifeless lips with a tender hiss

 Forget me not
 I love you more
  I promise

Numbingly dormant, my nerves echo every touch leaving me one breath shorter
A blurred vision delivers a softly silhouetted siren bleeding into the night sky
My Angel
The humming death of my ear drums interrupted by her sweet symphonic voice calling my name

The wind carries the earth and sweat from my brow
A cooling comfort running through my hair

Inhale

Exhale

Just one more time

A heavy suffocating gust come over me shutting off my body as it progresses.

Inhale

Exhale

My toes are numb
The protruding tree bark ceases to cause discomfort on my lower back
A sound thud as the back of my head hits the trunk
Submission

I strain to find the lost silhouette,
I long to hear those words again,
I fight to keep my head up

Inhale

Exhale

Loss of all motor functions
A cold dry sweat would otherwise feel tight
The weight of my eyelids become their anchor

I will become one with the earth again,
No better resting place than this
The sermon of her stars to deliver me gently

Inhale...  

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In the end... broken promise.

Instant photographs, instant video, megapixels of memories, terabytes of terrified realizations crashing down, foreshadowing launch. I don't even get it anymore. The more thought spills through the cracks the faster the the cement dries. In an effort...its always too short.

I try.

I do.

I fail.

I lose.

I don't get it anymore.

How strong are our passions really? How weak has our work ethic become?

I don't need to be some hipster fag to get the message. pretty soon the line between liberal hippie and corporate will be lost in the mix not sure where either begin. In the end.... who knows.

We lose the most important part of ourselves in trying to do what is important. We are selfish either way but which end of the spectrum is right?

Balance is the biggest joke anyone can tell. It doesn't exist.

Balance just means you're forever unhappy if you really think about it. How much do we have to give up to achieve balance. How much do we have to suffer and struggle through before we reach serenity? It's all just temporary. Even the most intricate tattoo is only temporary as once the wearer dies the tattoo ceases to be.

A beautiful painting is the result of constant self criticism and agony of trying to achieve something so beautiful yet once that last brush stroke is settled and the running water thins out the last of the paint on the bristles, I can't stand the sight of it. Constant imperfections and wish-I-coulds...
Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda....
I wish I could feel that forever happiness even for a moment. Realistically that is about as long as it will last. Im tired of missing. Im tired of wishing and hoping and praying only to come out this battle a winner by default. Im all set thanks.

You will only love that which you cannot have.

You will only hurt when everyone tells you how lucky you are.

You will only trust when someone is in bed with your significant other.

You will lose everything once you find yourself on top.

So if this formula is the American Dream then we all need to wake the fuck up I suppose.

"One day with hard work and determination you can be successful." That is what they say. They don't tell you everything you will go through. Just the paraphrase. Honestly its like telling a virgin that raw doggin' some chick is the best feeling ever never telling you that you can get her pregnant.

Everything has a price.

I miss you, I love you, I'm happy, was happy, hate, fuck, life, work, sucks, Breathe, sigh, repeat.

Lose yourself now because there will never be a more perfect time.

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