When turtles grow old...

Image by Stuck in Customs via FlickrWhat is the recipe for finding one's self? Is it experience, drive and ambition? Or is it some trivial means to discover an identity worth claiming?

It may be the music we listen to sparingly that takes us back to a driveway, street sign or neighborhood. Something that you remember screaming at the top of your lungs all the while thinking this may be the best night you've ever had. Maybe it can even stretch as far as the love we've made and the times we've fucked like there's no tomorrow.

Somewhere lost in the selfishness that envelops us we tend to think of the material possessions we've had once acquired and now take for granted just like everyone else.

Don't worry, I wont be revisiting those old rants and I certainly wont be taking the Tyler Durden route. I think about the phone's and computers I've had and how once these electronics made me happier than shit to be able to be a "functioning member" of society and being able to do oh so much, now they sit dusted and unused in some drawer. All those can't-wait-to-have-it items become neglected as they are replaced by shinier and lighter items.

Over time this behavior becomes part of our identity where we no longer notice these things. We see it every day when some million dollar Viagra patron ends up trading an old, gray soul-mate for a bouncy new play-mate.

Where does it end. When can we control it?

Better yet when is it possible to never have to worry about it again? The chain reaction of life lives constant every day. We make repeat mistakes and dial old numbers. Sending text messages that promise what seems like forever yet swear of a few hours. Highs and lows, the adrenaline becomes another addiction in hopes of finding something more.

When do we move on?

Is it running away if there's nothing left to do, nothing left or achieve or fix?

What do we do to fix things?

What do we do when we don't have the option?

It seem that no matter what the questions is someone always comes out on top despite popular belief. Complacency settles and we get stuck.

This trial and error sequence we call life may be one of those unsolvable math equations they talked about in Good Will Hunting. Even in that movie there is no real idea to how that story ends.

So where do we go? How can we keep moving forward? The best I can even come close to fathoming is that Hope, or as what some may call God, is what keep those winds at our proverbial sails. Take the lessons at hand and slowly drift from insanity of repeat offenses.



In any case, I'll keep running into walls until they give out.